Here is the news. Last week, a local blogger and alleged Guardian journalist went to Millfields school in Hackney with his eyelids propped open and goodwill in his heart to speak to a class of Year 1 pupils about whatever it is he thinks he does for a living. In his stylish reporter's shoulder bag (£8 from the Narroway, circa 1998) he carried his usual array of gadgetry - pens, notepads, digicam, camera, recording device - most of which he can't use properly. He took his place in the classroom "hot seat" sustained only by bravado and a desire to keep his promise to Inspire! Watched closely by some 30 endearing infants, their teacher Miss Bukie and assistant Paulina he told tales of a funny man called Boris whose activities he monitors closely at all times and tries to tell the world about, principally by means of his Guardian London blog. Then he sought to establish some facts. Initial reports that the class contained 32 pupils proved to be incorrect after intensive head counting revealed there to be only 30 in the room. However, a spokesperson - believed to be Miss Bukie herself - explained that that was because two children were off sick. Having jotted all this down, the blogger-hack pressed the assembled to reveal their unhealthy food preferences. How many liked ice cream best, how many preferred jelly and how many would choose chocolate milk? Of the respondents, some of whom declined to be named, eleven went for ice cream, 17 for chocolate milk and all 30 for ice cream. This proved that the supposed reporter hadn't asked a very intelligent question. He left quietly, but not before taking the exclusive photograph you see here. Despite his deep incompetence he hopes to be invited back next year. And now, the weather forecast.