Following my pledge yesterday, here are the Top Ten Things I Would Never Do, as requested by Iain Dale.
10 Miss an opportunity to plug my latest novel.
9 Vote Conservative (too kinky!)
8 Use the term "political correctness" except in order to expose and scorn it for the misanthropic sneer term that it is.
7 Describe Richard Littlejohn as "good value".
6 Steal my son Frankie's Opal Fruits (I've made that mistake before).
5 Make negative generalisations about any religion, even though I'm not a believer.
4 Plagiarise.
3 Cheat on my fabulous wife.
2 Use the term "'New'" Labour" without putting the "New" in quotes, until a change to that name is formally sanctioned by the party conference.
1 Take my clothes off for money (been there, done that and it's true what they say about leaving them wanting more).
And now I have to nominate ten fellow bloggers: MsBaroque, Noosa, China Blue, Tom Freeman, Chris Dillow, Marie Phillips, Clare Sudbery, Angela F, Yellow Duck, Gay Erasmus. Meme on!
Thanks a lot Dave. Always great to start your day with a negative motivation.
Posted by: Noosa Lee | November 24, 2006 at 10:12 AM
I have complete confidence in you, Noosa.
Posted by: Dave Hill | November 24, 2006 at 10:29 AM
This is just so TEFL :)
Posted by: YellowDuck | November 24, 2006 at 11:13 AM
Number 3 is a fine thing to see. Hope it's not a politically correct sneer, Dave.
Posted by: james higham | November 24, 2006 at 02:20 PM
James! You should do one too! I'm sure I'm allowed eleven.
Posted by: Dave Hill | November 24, 2006 at 07:00 PM
Okay, I've done mine. I got totally sidetracked on your Opal Fruits dialogue on CiF, it was riveting and, frankly, so familiar. We have a thing in my house called Mothers' Tax, based on the natural principle that if somebody physically gave birth to you, they get to have a taste of what's on your plate.
Posted by: Ms Baroque | November 24, 2006 at 10:46 PM
Aha. I finally understand the 9:12am crack.
But... wtf?? Did you sit around with your finger on a post button waitign for the exact stroke of 9:12am? Why 9:12am? Why did you decide on this in advance?
Hmmm, you'd think that by now I would have learnt not to try and make sense on the internet at this time on a Friday night.
I've already been roundly casdtaigetd (that says castigated, all right?) for cheating at Scrabble (I DIDN'T cheat. Tournament Scrabble players do it all the time. So there.)
Anyway, things I wouldn't do. Well, for one, I would NEVER type drunken stoned nonsense on someone else's blog in the middle of the night. Oh no.
Posted by: Clare | November 25, 2006 at 01:41 AM
Bored and procrastinating, I just followed the Opal Fruits link.
You have SIX KIDS?!
Fucking hell.
Posted by: Clare | November 26, 2006 at 12:47 PM
OK, my list is done.
How much did you pay for those opal fruits in the end?
Posted by: Angela_F | November 27, 2006 at 09:58 AM
Thanks for tagging me. I'm late to the party as always, but that's black people's time for ya ;)
Am off to do it now... :)
Posted by: china blue | November 27, 2006 at 09:51 PM