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January 17, 2007


Ms Baroque

Hmm. Dave, I've just listened to this and I'm afraid I'm rather shocked. No wonder the mother's having a breakdown. If I heard my kids saying those things about me - "I've run away from my mother! I'm so happy!" - it would kill me. And if her emotional instability is a reason for Misbah not to live with her, it's still unconscionable for the kids to be talking about their mother this way - WITH the blessing of their father - ON THE RADIO! Her crimes? To eat a sausage and - gasp - to cohabit with a man?? I've done that. And the father saying "I knew if the kids saw her doing these things, saw what she's really like, they would never want to see her again - now they have, and I'm glad." Sorry. Yes. The poor mother has resoundingly lost the power game her ex is playing. She may as well never have had kids, poor thing, and that is what the (woefully inadequate) family law we have is designed to protect people from. Yes, the kids and their dad all sound happy as clams. They also sound complacent, selfish, materialistic ("Everybody thinks my dad's really strict but we've got a computer, TV, a playstation," etc) and, quite frankly - well - I'm shocked. Maybe she shouldn;t be living with her mother - and she certainly shouldn't have had her name changed - but it sounds as if the mother should NEVER have married the father. What a tragedy for her. And she was only 16.

In my experience - well, I won't go into that. She never stood a chance, so whether or not she even lived with some guy, or whether they fight, is immaterial. She could have married the Duke of Gloucester and Mr Rana would have got "his" (sic) kids.

Ms Baroque

Sorry - this is sounding a bit ranty. I just want to say that I would feel the same way were it the other way round - I think - except that it probably wouldn't be. The actions of the father - and the tenor of his remarks about the mother - and whatever she was doing - are utterly irresponsible, bad parenting.

Can you imagine acting as he did when Misbah left Scotland, and not making her talk to her mum? Or talking to her yourself? Can you imagine letting your children go on the radio and talk about their mother like that?

I thought not.

Dave Hill

I think there's a whole load of issues raised by the programme, including whether it was right for the BBC to broadcast it. As for the behaviour of the father on the programme, well, he was plainly giving the most favourable account of himself that he could manage though you're quite right that his patriarchal slip showed more than once. Trouble is, we are where we are, Misbah is where she is and it's plainer than ever that to make her be anywhere else is out of the question. Her mum's best hope is for reconciliation in the longer term. It may be a slim one but I see no other.


I believe a bit of counciling would be in order. Sharing parenting has one golden rule, Never Trash the Other Parent(s). This kid (these kids) will have more issues than kleenex has tissues. If Mom is crazy and sucks, and I'm half 'Mom', then what does that make me?

Ms Baroque

littlebear, it also isn't great if you're considered to be an unfit parent because you ate a sausage sandwich.

Dave, you're right: it's a fait accompli.


I'm right with you Ms B.


Thanks, but I think I be listening to Missy and Dad with a truckload of salt. Do you really think they are going to go on UK radio and disclose everything and everywhere Missy's adventures have taken her?

Denial is not a river in Egypt....

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